Help your child manage her weaknesses Use strategies to help your child manage her weaknesses. For example, teach your child calming techniques if she struggles with controlling her anger and frustration. Get her a math tutor if she needs help in math.
Discover your child's strengths, talents and passions Every person has something they are naturally "good at". Some obvious talents and passions are artistic ability, soccer, gymnastics, swimming, etc. However, don't forget those talents and passions that are so often overlooked, such as perceptiveness, kindness to others, a love of animals or nature, the ability to make people laugh, or inventing or building things. I have had parents tell me that their child has no talents or passions, or that they don't know how to discover them. My answer to them is that every child has something they are good at or are passionate about, and to give their child as many different experiences as possible. It is like the Montessori School approach, where kids are exposed to as many different experiences and materials as possible to broaden their horizons and learn. As your child experiences new things, she will be drawn to certain activities more than others. Something will bring that sparkle to her eye. Encourage and foster your child's strengths, passions and talents Once you find something your child is good at or loves, encourage your child to do more of it! My son is dramatic and always has been. He loves to be the center of attention and enjoys making people laugh. I put him in a local play and also a drama class at school and watched him really blossom. The drama class made him enthusiastic about school, and on the days that he practiced for the play I noticed my son was energized and happy and much more centered than usual. His self-confidence increased simply by doing something he enjoyed and felt good about. Is he the next Tom Hanks or Robin Williams? Probably not, but he loves drama and it helps him be successful in other areas of his life. Teach your child about his inner strengths Every person draws upon personal strengths to help him or her be resilient, to help him or her get through difficult situations and solve problems. Find out what strengths your child draws upon and point them out to him when he uses them. Research has shown that self-awareness of strengths helps people grow stronger in those strengths and be more resilient when the chips are down. Imagine your son is trying to get to the candy bag that is sitting up high on top of your refrigerator. He tries to stand on a step stool, but he still can't reach the candy. Next he tries standing on a chair, but that is too short as well. Then you walk in and find him eating candy while standing on top of the step stool, which has been carelessly placed on top of the chair. Instead of yelling at him, you can get him down while calmly saying, "I see you have used your creativity and persistence to get to the candy, but I also see that you are not safe." You can reinforce your appreciation of his special strengths while at the same time explaining that next time he can use his creativity and persistence in a safe manner. Your son is more likely to listen to what you have to say if you start the conversation by verbalizing his strengths. Here is a list of strengths your child may exhibit frequently and which should be fostered to increase his success in life. Your child will not exhibit all of these strengths, but choose a few that he exhibits naturally and work to build on those strengths. Researchers have demonstrated that each person develops a cluster of three or four of these traits that he or she uses most often in times of difficulty. A strengths-based approach would then utilize these traits to improve upon weaknesses. Relationships - ability to form positive relationships Service - giving of yourself to help other people or animals Life Skills - uses life skills like impulse control and good decision-making Humor Inner Direction - bases choices/decisions on internal evaluation Perceptiveness - insightful Independence Positive View of Personal Future - optimistic Flexibility Love of Learning Self-Motivation Competence - is "good at something" Self-Worth - self-confident Spirituality Perseverance Creativity We all need joy in our lives Allow your child to experience joy on a daily basis. Intense and emotional kids work really hard to get through the day and they need time to decompress by doing something they enjoy. Give them some time, even if they have been a wreck at home or school all day. Let the animal lover play with the dogs or groom the horses, let the builder play with Legos, let your little chef cook something special. Everyone will benefit from the resulting change in attitude! |